Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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