Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize
