Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
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