...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
