How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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