Your tits are I can't wait for
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
she smelled like a LAN party
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize