so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
