jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
So many bounce houses so little time
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
