doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
