Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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