shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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