I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
