weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
