Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
