She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
