So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
