i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
