can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
