Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
