I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
