Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
