No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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