He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
