I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
