Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
