Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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