birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
This is classic penis vs brain.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
