Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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