i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
