I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I need to stop coming to work sober
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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