quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
