OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
someone owes me an orgasm
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
