Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you didnt know i had herpes?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
