my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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