Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
