I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
