you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
