but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
