You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
