So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
