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i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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