My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
