i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
