omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
