TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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