She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
