Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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