pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The beer is more important than you right now.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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