So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
