it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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