I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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