I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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