i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize