I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
