this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Randomize
