Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
