on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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