I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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