please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
