I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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