How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
