after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
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