what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
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