Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We left the knife in your bed.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
