So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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