my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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