I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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