clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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