Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
