All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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