If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
