eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
