Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
