You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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