next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
