Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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