I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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