I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
