Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
