I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
