Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
