Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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