but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
