I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
