I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
