apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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